


Those Four Little Words

by bulletproof_lesbians



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, I really want to give Carmilla Karnstein a Hug, I wanted to try a different style and I love this au, It's a soulmate au from carm's perspective kinda?, It's mostly like an essay?, slightly angsty?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-09 22:20:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13490982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bulletproof_lesbians/pseuds/bulletproof_lesbians
Summary: A soulmate AU where the first words your soulmate says to you as you start to fall in love with them are tattooed on the inside of your left wrist. Carmilla struggles with the four words she has on her wrist for roughly 300 years.





	Those Four Little Words

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is a very different style than I normally write but I sort of started writing it like this and kind of liked it so here's whatever this is. I have a lot of feelings about soulmate aus but I'll put those at the notes at the end.

Soulmates are funny things aren’t they? The idea that there’s one single person out there for everyone… it’s fascinating. The probability that someone would even meet their true soulmate is roughly 9,064,932,127 to 1… which frankly, is disheartening. That’s why even if people don’t meet their “soulmate” usually folks find love and are happy with the love they have. But people don’t read stories about soulmates in order to know that they could be perfectly happy with someone besides the “one person the stars picked out for them” they read them because life is depressing and it would be comforting to have a person there that was a perfect match. Look at the news… it’s disgusting. Actually don’t look at the news. Turn off the news and turn off your brain and read this story about a sweet eighteen year old girl who went through hell to find her soulmate… and then a different hell once she found her.

 

Carmilla awaited her eighteenth birthday with the same excitement as many girls her age… the day where the first words she heard when she started to fall in love with her soulmate appeared. She knew that it would never be immediate… there’s no such thing as love at first sight by any means… but just having that knowledge that the person she fell for was  _ the one _ , well that was the most comfort a gal could take in 1698. There was to be a ball in the honor of her birthday and she honestly hoped that one of the people there could be her soulmate. She knew that meeting her true soulmate was incredibly hard but worth it. When she woke up on her birthday she saw four little words on the inside of her left wrist in neat and slightly bubbly handwriting, “Even you deserve better.” This troubled the girl for good reason. Was her soulmate breaking up with her as she fell in love? Was the one person that Carmilla was supposed to end up with going to simply push her away when she was starting to tumble, wanting soft arms to catch her?

 

At the ball celebrating her birthday Carmilla Karnstein was murdered.

 

And then she was unmurdered.

 

Carmilla became a vampire.

 

Yes the shy girl who just wanted to know who her soulmate was at the tender age of eighteen was stabbed and then resurrected as a creature of the night. She killed the family of the person who wanted to… desecrate her corpse without her consent and began a life as a murderous rampaging vampire. She’d “paint the town red” with her sister Matska and all was well… until she met Miss Sheridan.

 

Miss Sheridan, or as Carmilla knew her “Elle”, was a girl that Carmilla’s mother wanted to sacrifice to an anglerfish god. Yes THAT anglerfish god. Quite ironic that an anglerfish usually uses a bright lure instead of a dark and mysterious one… but Carmilla is quite alluring. Carmilla fell in love with the girl (knowing now that it wouldn’t be just any person, but a  _ lady _ would be the one to say the words on her left wrist) and knew that it would only be a question of time before Elle said those four little words to her. 

 

Those four words she wished to hear haunted her as her love pulled a knife and cut her own hand. They haunted her as her love, the one she thought to be the one, spat out words like “monster” and “as if I’d go anywhere with you now” and they haunted her as her love was murdered by the woman you raised her (well from the dead).

 

_ Even you deserve better. _

 

Those words taunted her as she lay in a coffin full of blood. She deserves better? No. Carmilla deserves this. She deserves to be trapped in this prison unable to escape. She deserves to pay for being a monster. She deserves to be kept here for all eternity, never hearing those words because she doesn't deserve better. She will never get better.

 

_ Even you deserve better. _

 

She breaks out of her bloody prison and takes in the new world… Austria in 1945. Not the best place for a Jewish Lesbian Vampire but her fangs did come in handy once or twice with those pesky Nazis. She ran away to Paris, drinking the city dry of both its citizens and its wine when her mother found her again. The game resumed where it had paused decades before. 

  
Carmilla was a shiny lure, but this time she wasn’t always so accurate with her marks. A few would slip through the cracks, beautiful women she was smitten with, intelligent men she could stand to speak to, eventually they all would perish but Carmilla would save these moments for herself in a selfish manner. 

 

She started wearing a thick watch to cover the words that she no longer believed she would hear. She would never deserve better. She deserved this life of servitude on borrowed years she did not wish to have. 

 

And then came the new millenium. Carmilla enjoyed that she no longer had to wear odd bandanas and thick watches, she could wear dark leather cuffs to cover her soulmate’s words. The words of a human so long dead, she assumed, that there was no point to even hoping anymore. She hoped that somehow they would simply fade, letting her live her life without ever needing to see them ever again (like that would help, the script was basically burned into her eyelids). Smartphones were fun and sexual liberation was  _ very _ fun. Experimenting college girls became much more of a staple of Carmilla’s diet, both in an innuendo way and also a blood way.

 

The year was 2014 and Carmilla got assigned to her most persnickety mark yet. My god the girl would NOT stop talking. Not stop prying. Not stop  _ trying _ to find her old roommate. It was infuriating. Yes she was adorable, yes she was naive, yes she was gorgeous… but Carmilla had to turn her in. Or…. well…. If the annoyingly adorable girl just hated Carmilla so much that she transferred to a different room and her life could be spared…. Carmilla thought that could be good payback. 

Instead of being the lure she became the repellent. Carmilla tried everything she could to get this tiny ball of energy to budge but the girl was too stubborn. She gives Carmilla a chore wheel? Oh no it’s a chore frisbee now. Oh look it’s on the quad. She brings home take out? Oooh pad thai is delicious isn’t it. She’s about to return from a class? Let’s have some fun with that “experimenting” girl from anthropology 101… Elsie was her name?

 

Nothing worked.

 

This girl was unbelievable… and Carmilla started to wonder if these feelings weren’t just annoyance… Maybe they could be…..

 

“Maybe that’s just the way it is but that does  _ not _ mean I have to accept it. I deserve better. Betty deserves better. Hell… Even  _ you _ deserve better.”

 

Carmilla looks up. She’s waited over three hundred years to hear those words. She can’t lose this one. She won’t let mother take this one away from her. Not again. Not when this time it’s  _ real _ and it’s true.

 

She realizes just how screwed she truly is when she finds out her soulmate is Laura Eileen Hollis. And she realizes just how hopeless it is that she’s already started falling in love with her.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok my biggest problem with soulmate aus is that when it's the "first words your soulmate says to you" it sort of discourages people from having relationships and falling in love with many people? This is the problem that the movie Timer really emphasizes and it's actually a really interesting concept. Love, even if it isn't a perfect love, is still worth feeling. Falling in love is a terrifying thing to do but if you just accept that "yep this is the one for me" without knowing a person then how will you truly grow with each other? How do you know if that love is based on something REAL that you share? It's really fascinating and I love dissecting what makes our relationships work. Anyway I thought if we had a soulmate marking where the soulmates heard what they say as you start to really truly fall in love with them? That opens up a huge realm of possibilities with soulmates and a world where you COULD meet your soulmate or really you could live your whole life, fall in love, and be happy without them was something I thought would be interesting. 
> 
> Also if I continue this one shot then I'll definitely put in the bit where they break up and "wait we aren't supposed to break up what the heck" and the fact that the person "made for you" is still someone you have to love with all your heart, regardless of whether or not you are happy. But they are happy because it's hollstein and they're gay and I'm gay so who wants a beer let's be gay together, ladies.


End file.
